Christmas carols suck. Dottie’s singing, though half-hearted, still rang clearly over the other teens. She struggled to fix her face into something positive while they dragged out the final phrase and cheered at the end. She looked around the Veteran’s Hospital waiting room, noting the sprinkling of patients who stopped to listen. Some sat in wheelchairs, some stood with attendants close by to catch them should gravity pull them down. One sat with family members. Most were alone. She felt a hand touch her shoulder and turned to Parker, the youth minister.
“I’m glad you came, Dottie. Your voice is so beautiful. You have a gift!” When Dottie didn’t respond, he tried again. “Ready for part two?”
“Sure.” Dottie gave a dispirited smile. She knew what Parker meant. The carol singing was part one. Next, the members of the youth group were going into rooms giving out stockings with treats and a card with Bible verses. She sighed.
Parker cocked his head. “Is your mom gonna pick you up when we finish, or do you need to hitch a ride on the bus?”
Dottie’s shoulders rose, and her gaze dropped. “I drove myself. My dad was going to do it, but he couldn’t…get away from work.” It was a half-truth. Her dad couldn’t make it because he had moved out recently. Now he lived in a nearby town and didn’t stay in touch much. She frowned. It was his job to pick her up. He was her dad, right?
“Well, great! We’re glad you could join us. One more makes the way merrier!” He smiled his Disney smile at her. Dottie wanted to poke him in the nose to see if it would disappear. She doubted it would.
She was saved from more laser beams of happiness when Parker turned to address the other teenagers. “All right, people, grab stockings and head to the rooms. Keep to this floor. Go in and greet the patients, introduce yourself, and tell them where you’re from. Remember to speak as the spirit moves you and show some love.” Then the group dispersed.
Dottie suppressed a groan and grabbed stockings from the box, wondering why she had come. She didn’t like old people. Stupid Mom. She winced. Even as she simmered with anger at her mom for pushing her to do stuff, she knew her mom worried about her.
She plodded down the hall, looking for a room that wasn’t already crowded with people. The very last room at the end looked deserted. Dim light glimmered from within. She hesitated a bit before straightening her face and taking a deep breath, then poked her head around the door.
Two old men were propped up in their beds. The bed closest to the door held the smaller of the two. He smiled a toothless smile at her. His bare head held a few wispy strands of hair reaching straight for heaven.
“Well, lookie here, Pearlie, one of them singers came to see us!” he said, addressing the other occupant of the room, a larger man staring out the window, completely ignoring them. “Hello, pretty lady! Glad to see you. Whatcha got there? I hope it’s lemon drops. I love me some lemon drops.”
Dottie couldn’t help it. She smiled faintly at his high-pitched wheezing speech, and moved further into the room, holding the stockings out like an offering.
“Sorry, no lemon drops, but I think there’s some chocolate.”
“That’ll do.” The little man slapped the bed. “Hey, Pearlie, head’s up. This young lady brought us a gift.”
Pearlie appraised her, a morose look on his face. Dottie noted the distinct sound of machines measuring vital signs with steady, comforting beeps.
“I can see that, Gunny. Stop chattering so much and let her get a word in edgewise.” The deep gravelly rumble only enhanced the authority in Pearlie’s voice. He was used to being in charge.
Dottie remembered her purpose. “Hi, I’m Dottie with Community Church, and we’re here to wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.”
“Well, that’s real nice. Isn’t that nice, Pearlie?” Gunny’s eyes twinkled. “Gunnery Sergeant Martin Defoe, US Marine Corps, at your service. But you can call me Gunny. Most people do. The old grouch over there is Captain Richard Buckney, U.S. Navy.”
“Nice to meet you both.” said Dottie, trying to sound sincere. She moved closer to Gunny’s bed and placed the stocking in his palsied hands. He turned the whole thing upside down in his lap, cackling as he picked out a chocolate and worked to unwrap it. Dottie paused before edging toward the other bed,
“Here you go, Mr. …Captain Buckney.” Their eyes met, and he scowled. Dottie cocked her head at him. Way to show gratitude, old man.
She couldn’t help it; she had to say it. “Jesus loves you, Pearlie.” Behind her, Gunny snickered. Pearlie’s eyes sharpened as he took the stocking from her and tossed it neatly on his nightstand.
“Thanks Dottie. We appreciate it. Young folks today aren’t so interested in old folks anymore.” She couldn’t miss the note of sarcasm in his voice. The old fart knew she wasn’t the least bit interested in being there. The thought stung. And made her angrier.
Right then, a nurse came in, addressing the two patients. “Hello, gentlemen, time to take care of a few things.” She froze when she saw Dottie. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought they were alone.”
Seeing the name tag indicating the intruder’s name was Miller, Dottie spoke up. “I’m just passing out treats, I can leave.”
“No worries! You don’t have to go. Actually, I’m gonna do some stuff with Gunny, and Pearlie needs to get up and move around a little. Would you be willing to take him for a spin? I’ll set him up in the wheelchair, and you can roll him around for a few minutes while I work with Gunny.” Miller paused when she saw Gunny’s candy stash.
“Gunny, what are you eating? You know chocolate is not good right after heart surgery. Give me that!” She reached for the chocolate Gunny was unwrapping. “Ooh, chocolate almond, my favorite!” Miller finished unwrapping the forbidden candy and popped it into her mouth.
“Hey! Get your own!” Gunny feigned anger, but his eyes were still sparkling. A quick glance at Pearlie’s scowling face reminded Dottie of the nurse’s request.
“I don’t know, I’ve got to leave…”
“It won’t take long, I promise. It’ll give Pearlie a chance for some air.”
Parker’s head appeared at the door. “Just checking in! You finished here?”
Dottie’s face flushed with relief. Saved by the King of Perkiness. “I’m about―”
Miller spoke up. “I just asked if she’d be willing to help me by taking Pearlie for a ride while I work with Gunny. It shouldn’t take too long.”
Parker flashed that dazzling smile. “Oh, I’m sure Dottie’ll be glad to help out. We’re always happy to help our veterans.”
He sidled past Dottie, and grabbed the wheelchair folded in the far corner. Realizing she was trapped, Dottie’s body deflated. The captain’s lips thinned, his scowl deepening the lines on his face.
“Great! We really appreciate it when y’all visit. It cheers up the patients, and we especially like when you bring chocolate!” said Nurse Miller. She and Parker laughed as she worked to connect Pearlie’s monitors to the wheelchair.
“I don’t feel like getting up right now,” Pearlie groused.
“Oh now, Captain, you know the doctor said you needed to get out of bed at least twice a day.” Miller smiled at Dottie. “Besides, this young lady is here to help, so let’s cooperate, mmkay?” Dottie could tell Nurse Miller was done appeasing her grouchy patient.
Pearlie humphed and swung his legs over the side. “Fine, let’s get this over with.” His breathing became more pronounced. His monitors beeped more urgently, then settled. Nurse Miller tucked the tubing into the crevices around Pearlie. She placed a hand on his shoulder and leaned down so they were face to face. “Thank you, Pearlie.”
He didn’t make eye contact at first. Then he relented, barely nodding. “You’re welcome. He needs a bath, anyway. Startin’ to smell in here.” His eyes cut to Gunny and Dottie was surprised at the warmth reflecting between the two men.
Gunny snickered. “Same to you, Cap’n!”
Nurse Miller shook her head, smiling. “All right you two.” She eased the wheelchair out the door with Dottie trailing behind, handing it over to her in the hall. “He’s all yours. Walk him around the floor a few times.”
Dottie looked for Parker, but he was nowhere in sight. As she rolled Pearlie down the hall, she could only see the back of his head and his stiff bowed back. radiating his disapproval. He obviously didn’t like her. Well, they were even because she wasn’t in the mood to deal with a grumpy old jerk. Maybe if she ticked him off enough, she could end this trip early. “How’d you get the nickname Pearlie?” She asked with, she hoped, just enough attitude to make him madder.
He turned toward her. “Why do you ask?”
“Just making conversation. It’s a girly name.”
“I was at Pearl Harbor when the Japanese attacked. When people here found out, they started calling me Pearl, then Pearlie, thanks to Gunny.”
Dottie paused and swallowed. She had learned about Pearl Harbor in school. This man had been there and probably had a lot of stories to tell. His nickname represented respect for a man who had experienced a living nightmare and survived. Dottie was embarrassed at her rudeness. He didn’t deserve her disrespectful attitude, and she didn’t like the way her conscience pricked her. “Oh,” she said.
When they turned the corner, another long hall stretched up ahead with doors on one side resembling soldiers standing at attention. The light from the windows opposite painted the hallway in pinks and purples, signaling sunset.
Pearlie’s scratchy voice interrupted her thoughts. “Why do people call you Dottie? Old fashioned name for a kid.”
She sighed. After her earlier nastiness, the least she could do was answer his question. “I was born in August. Mom named me after my birthstone.” She frowned. She hated her name.
“Peridot,” said Pearlie.
Dottie’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “That’s right. Dottie’s been my nickname for as long as I can remember.” She stopped the wheelchair at a water fountain to get a sip. When she finished, she saw Pearlie staring at her with a frank expression.
“You need something? Want some water?” He studied her, his face betraying nothing. She squirmed under his scrutiny. “I can take you back if you want…,” she faltered.
“Why are you here? You don’t really want to be here, so why did you come?” His eyes pierced her.
Dottie tapped her foot. Man, old people have no filter. It was on the tip of her tongue to give him a sarcastic response; one he probably expected from her, but she stopped. Why not tell the truth?
“My mom made me come. I didn’t want to.” Hostility burned her insides.
“What do you want?” he asked.
She clenched her fists. “I want to be left alone. I want to be treated my age. When people change things…” Hot tears formed in her eyes. She dashed them away with an angry hand. “Whatever.” Nosy old man. She’d show him what “no filter” means.
“What about you? Looks like your only company at Christmas is Gunny. I mean, he’s great and all, but still.”
Pearlie studied his slippers. “My son lives across the country in California. I got grandkids and great grands all over. They all work. No time for an old codger like me.” That was the longest speech she had heard him say. He didn’t appear sad or upset. He remained stoic. She wished she could keep her emotions in check like that.
“I would hate that. I would want my family nearby if I was…” She pressed her lips together.
“Go ahead. You can say it. If you were old? Dying?” He wasn’t accusatory. He spoke like it was no big deal. He was almost smiling at her. What was that for?
“I didn’t mean that. I meant maybe your family isn’t that close and you don’t want them around or whatever.” She hoped that would shut him up.
“Sometimes what you want and the reality you live in don’t match,” he said.
“You make it sound like wanting something is a bad thing.”
“No. Wanting is part of life. Accepting that you don’t always get what you want is an even bigger part. For a grown up anyway.”
Dottie’s fists clenched. “I know that. I’m not a child. You don’t know me. You don’t know what it’s like. I want…” She paused.
Pearlie’s gaze sharpened. “What do you want?” He asked again.
He showed no sympathy. She realized it was the sympathy she saw in everyone’s faces lately that angered her. Like she was a poor soul who needed extra time and attention because something awful happened. She didn’t want sympathy. She wanted to fix it. If her parents would just listen to her, maybe she could get them to understand, work it out and go back to the way things were before.
Deep down, Dottie knew it would never happen. Her parents were moving on, and it felt like she was being left behind. She slumped down on a nearby bench, pulling her hair off her face. “I don’t know. I want… I want my parents to get back together. I want my life back the way it was. I guess that’s too much to ask.” She heard the whine in her voice. Tears flowed again. Shaking her head, she sniffed hard. “I guess I just want people to ask me what I want before they make decisions about my life.”
The waning light cast Pearlie in a rose colored glow. “I can understand that. Yes, ma’am, I sure can.”
She wondered what he meant. Why did he feel like he didn’t have control? He was a grown man. He made all his own decisions, right? “What do you want?” she asked him.
“I would love a cigarette.”
She scrunched her nose at him. “Ew! Those things are disgusting!”
He chuckled. “Yeah.” He leaned back in the chair. “What I’d really like more than anything is to see the sky.”
“Here, I can move the chair―”
“No, not like that! I want to see the real thing. Don’t you people understand?” He jerked his arm at the window.
His sudden anger jolted her. “Sorry. I was just trying to help.”
Pearlie’s voice hardened. “Yeah, I hear that a lot.” Maybe I don’t need that kind of help. Maybe I just need someone to listen to me. Maybe I just need to see real sky again and feel real air on my face.” He stopped, his jaw working furiously as he dropped his head to his chest. At that point the monitors attached to Pearlie began an urgent chirp.
Dottie wasn’t sure what to do. She patted him with a timid hand on his shoulder, feeling his bones through the cloth. He wasn’t flabby, just …loose. He must have been strong when he was younger, a vibrant man whose aging body gave out on him. Now there were people telling him what he could and couldn’t do, controlling him like he was a kid.
Dottie continued patting until the monitors settled back to normal. She pondered this new revelation, formulating a plan. Her life might be out of her control, but she could help him get some control back into his.This she could fix.
She stooped down in front of Pearlie. “Captain, let’s go find some sky.”
“What?”
“There’s got to be open space around somewhere. Let’s go find it!”
Pearlie searched her face. He must have believed her because his eyes shone with hope. “I’m not supposed to leave the floor.”
“What are they gonna do to us? Nurse Miller said take a long walk, right? Well, we’ll just take a little longer than we thought.”
Pearlie was silent, then finally he answered. “No way we can get to the ground floor from here without being stopped. Gotta think…” He studied the ceiling, then nodded. “Okay. The nurses mentioned a new terrace being built. The building is actually open there. Couple floors up.” The effort it took to talk did nothing to squelch the hopeful expression on his face. She saw a glimpse of the boy he had been, full of mischief and fun. That settled it. They were gonna do this.
When she grasped the handles of the wheelchair, her hands were sweaty, adrenaline pumping through her body. “Which way, Captain?”
Pearlie pointed to the end of the hallway where the hall turned to the right. “Elevator’s that way.”
Rounding the corner, Dottie saw a lone nurse filling out paperwork at the nurses’ station. She strengthened her resolve, pushing the wheelchair right past him. When they reached the next corner, she expelled a deep breath. She started forward but Pearlie’s hand touched the wheel, effectively stopping the chair. “Wait,” he said.
“What?”
“Reconnaissance. We can roam the hall, but they’ll stop us if they see us get on the elevator, since I can’t leave the floor. Gotta scout out the hall around that turn first. Make sure the coast is clear.”
“Okay.” Dottie stepped on tiptoes to the corner leaning so that she could see around the edge. She ran back and grabbed the wheelchair, shooting around the corner. “It’s clear. Let’s go!”
At the elevator, she pressed the button, grabbing the wheelchair handles in a death grip, ready to rush forward when the doors opened. She kept checking back down the hall, expecting to get caught. “C’mon,” she murmured.
Finally, the elevator dinged. When the doors opened, Dottie pushed Pearlie inside so fast he bounced in the seat. Dottie turned the wheelchair around just in time to see an employee approaching. Pearlie pushed a button, and the doors shut in the hapless worker’s face. When the elevator lifted, Dottie clapped her hands with glee. “We did it!”
“Don’t get too excited. We still have a ways to go.”
“Right.” When the elevator doors opened, Dottie poked her head out and checked the hall. Seeing no hospital employees, she eased Pearlie off the elevator. “Where to now?”
“Head east. Hurry.”
Dottie paused. “I can’t tell east from west inside.” she muttered.
She just knew he was rolling his eyes, “That way.” he rasped, pointing to the left.
Following the direction of his finger, she groaned. “There are a million people that way!”
“We’ll hide in plain sight,” he growled. “Pretend you’re supposed to be here.”
She tried, but everyone passing kept staring at her when she heard Pearlie say, “Fix your face.”
“What’s wrong with it?”
“You’re scaring the locals. Stop making eyes at everyone,” he murmured.
She huffed. “How do you even know what’s on my face?”
“Because, darlin’, everyone walking by looks at you funny. You’re drawing attention to us.”
“Got it.” Dottie squared her shoulders, stopped smiling, and made eye contact naturally. Not like Parker, King of Perkiness. The Disney smile didn’t work for her, thank goodness.
They approached the end of the hall and turned the corner. She felt Pearlie’s hand touch the wheel again.
“Wait,” he said. She moved to a nearby bench and sat on her hands.
He squinted. “This isn’t right. It’s the wrong hall, wrong floor.” Her shoulders sagged. He put his head to his chest. “ Think I’m off by a floor. Must be the next one. Made a damn mistake.” He rubbed his temple.
“It’s okay, we’ll go back. We tried. You got confused.” Stifling her disappointment, she patted his arm. “It was worth a try, anyway.”
He looked up. “You’re giving up? Darlin’, if you give up every time you fail, you’re never gonna accomplish anything.”
“You want to keep going?” Hope rose inside.
“Of course I do. Get this contraption moving!”
“Yes sir! Um…which way?” He gave her the stink eye and pointed back the way they had come. They got about halfway to the elevator when a dour looking nurse approached. Dottie saw Pearlie slide his sleeve over his hospital band.
“Excuse me young lady. I don’t think y’all are supposed to be here. I don’t recognize this patient, and I know all the patients on this floor.”
She froze, her voice failing her. To her surprise, Pearlie answered. “Sorry, Ma’am. My granddaughter was supposed to take me back to the ninth floor, but we’re lost.” He leaned back to address Dottie. “Now look what happened. This nice nurse is going to report me to the patient police.” He flashed his “man smile” at the nurse, the one Dottie’s dad used to charm women.
The nurse wasn’t buying it. Pearlie motioned her to come closer, speaking in a stage whisper. “She isn’t too bright, but she’s a sweetheart. Visiting for my birthday. A good kid. Wants to be a nurse someday.” Then he winked. Dottie watched the nurse’s eyes soften, the stern look melt.
“Well, you need to go back where you belong soon. They’re probably searching for you.”
“Yes, Ma’am. Going right now.” Pearlie flashed that smile again and waved as they sped down the hallway.
Once the elevator began descending, Dottie could barely contain herself. “Man, that was awesome! I was totally lost, and you jumped right in. Nice!”
Pearlie’s fingers drummed his knee. “Sometimes you gotta think fast on your feet. So to speak,”
When the elevator opened, Dottie checked the hallway and moaned. People everywhere! The hall had to be a mile long. Near the end, right past a nurse’s station, there was a barrier erected with signs to keep people out. Behind an enormous amount of heavy plastic sheeting, she could just see the last light of day. The new terrace! She turned back to Pearlie. “I see it! But we have to get through this crowd.”
“We can do it. Stay focused,” he said.
Reassured, Dottie pushed him into the hall. There were a lot of patients and visitors, but no hospital employees. She knew one could pop out at any moment, like a big zit.
Right on cue, a med tech stepped out of a room, wary eyes following them. Dottie leaned down to Pearlie’s ear. “Gotta move, Captain.”
Pearlie leaned forward. “Go!”
Dottie executed an about face, hurrying back the direction they came. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw the tech pursuing them. Dottie shot past the elevator, earning a look from Pearlie. Turning another corner, she saw a deep alcove with a gigantic overflowing linen hamper that smelled like a combination of disinfectant and fresh linen.
“Hold on!” She pushed the hamper out a little, parking the wheelchair behind it. Grabbing the linens, she piled them on top of Pearlie so he and the chair were completely covered in jumbled sheets. She fluffed the remaining linens in the hamper, making it appear fuller, and ducked down behind the chair just as the tech turned the corner. Footsteps paused near the alcove. Her hands on Pearlie’s back, Dottie felt him holding his breath, like her. Time stretched until she wanted to scream. Please let the tech be either half blind, or too busy, anything so he would leave. Finally, the footsteps faded away.
She unfolded her body, peeking outside the alcove. He was gone. She lifted linens off Pearlie. When she uncovered his face, he grinned. “Quick thinking, darlin’.”
Dottie beamed with relief. “Let’s go!” They dashed down the surprisingly empty hallway toward the barricade. Visitors were heading home and patients were probably having dinner.
At the barrier, she pushed through the plastic sheeting. Moving toward the center of the open area, Dottie could see the darkening sky, dotted with emerging stars. The sounds of traffic on the street below breathed a soothing coda on their adventure. She parked Pearlie with an unobstructed view of the sky.
Pearlie gazed at the navy blue heavens. “Ever since I was a kid, I liked to be outdoors. I’d rather sleep outside than in a bed any day.” He tilted his head back and closed his eyes.
They sat there in companionable silence. Finally, Dottie spoke. “How old are you, Captain?”
“Ninety-nine.” he said.
“Wow. That’s, like, older than everyone!” She blushed. “I didn’t mean that in a bad way.”
“It’s fine. I am older than everyone,” he answered.
She sat watching him, his face raised to the rising moon. It was like he was praying. She wondered what he was thinking. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure,” he responded, eyes still closed.
“Are you afraid of…you know…dying?” He didn’t answer right away. She bit her lip. Maybe she had offended him.
He opened his eyes and regarded her. “I’d be lying if I said no. It’s inevitable, so I have to deal with it.”
“That’s hard. You don’t know what’s coming.”
“The future’s gonna happen whether we want it to or not. We don’t know what it holds. It’s how we handle the not knowing that matters.”
“Easy for you to say. You’re a hero.”
Pearlie shook his head. “I’m no hero, darlin’. Just tried to survive. Handled things and moved on.”
Dottie stared back at the stars. His life was going to change in a major way soon, and he was worried about it. Like her. Her life was changing almost faster than she could keep up with. Maybe they weren’t so different from each other after all.
Pearlie slumped a little in the chair. He was tired. She shivered, aware that he was probably cold, too. “Let’s head back, Captain. They’re probably freaking out trying to find us.”
Pearlie sighed, shifting in the wheelchair. “You’re right. Sure was nice, though.” He tried to roll the chair himself but the brake was on. Dottie stepped forward to help, kneeling down beside him.
“Thank you,” he said simply.
She squirmed and nodded her head. “No problem.” She grinned. “We badasses have to stick together.” She winced at her slip of profanity, covering her mouth.
Pearlie sputtered. It frightened her at first until she noticed his shoulders were shaking and his head was tilted back, his mouth open in a wide smile. He was laughing! His joy was contagious, and she laughed with him.
She stood and pushed him back toward the barricade. “Let’s go face the music.”
Since the halls were almost clear, getting to the elevator proved easy. They made it without incident. When the doors closed, Dottie sighed with relief and rode the rest of the way in silence.
When they reached Pearlie’s room, Nurse Miller stood, hands on her hips, staring them down. “I sent the cavalry to find you. Where’ve you been? My shift ended a half hour ago, and here I’m searching for lost sheep.”
Pearlie spoke hoarsely. “Just around. Surprised you didn’t see us.”
“Mmmhmm.” said Nurse Miller. “Why do I get the feeling you’re lying?”
“I wouldn’t lie to you, Miller. You know me better than that,” Pearlie said, the man smile flashing full force.
“Hmmm.” Nurse Miller studied him. “Well, regardless, we need to get you settled. I hope your little trip was worth it, because you look rough.”
Even though Nurse Miller acted irritated, her hands were tender as she helped him into bed. Pearlie’s skin held a gray cast. Guilt lanced through Dottie until she saw his eyes gleaming with satisfaction. It was so worth it.
Later, Dottie squeezed Pearlie’s hand and stepped outside his room to send a text to her mom. She explained that she stuck around the hospital a while longer than expected and would have security walk her to her car. She didn’t go into detail, only saying she wanted to stay until a new friend, a patient, went to sleep. She smiled at her mom’s heart emojis and the reminder to call when she was leaving. Her mom was a pain and way too cheesy, but her mom loved her, and that counted for a whole lot.
Returning to the dim room, Dottie walked past a sleeping Gunny to Pearlie’s bed. His eyes were closed. Disappointed that she wouldn’t get to say goodbye, she turned back toward the door when he stretched out his fingers, touching her arm.
“Hey, Captain. I thought you were sleeping.”
“Nah, just resting my eyes.”
She hesitated. Over the course of a few hours, Pearlie had become a friend. He had helped her understand things, and she wanted to show him how much he meant to her. How do you tell someone you just met that they have become a special part of your life?
She held his hand, watching outside the window, thinking about their conversation. He was right. She can’t predict the future. Being in control isn’t always possible, but she could control how she responded. Sometimes, things can’t be fixed. That thought left a bittersweet taste in her mouth. A taste that was fairly new to her. Probably what growing up tasted like.
Without thinking, she did what came most naturally for her. She sang to him. Her gift. Emotion poured from her full heart through her throat. The melody drifted, filling the space, easing Pearlie into sleep. The notes pressed against the window pane, trying to touch the sky beyond, a darkness dotted with faint unfettered stars.
